Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Deleto-phobia

I was going through a blog by an acquaintance earlier and a particular article caught my attention.
She had written about how she was having trouble emptying her phone inbox full with year old messages, wondering "what it is that makes it so difficult for me to press that little red 'delete' button".

It reminded me of how I would go through the exact trouble about once every month, owing to the limited capacity of 70 messages provided to me by our all time favourite 'Made for India' Nokia 1100. And it meant that every once in a while I would sit with my cell going through the inbox over n over again wondering which messages to hold on to n which ones to delete. And at the end of every similar session, it would irritate me to think that what I am doing is nothing different than hoarding, hoarding of countless emotions, little bits n pieces of joy, pain, laughter and troubles.
And then once, in a fit of anger, for the first time in over 4 years, I put to use a little facility that allowed me to 'delete all read messages' at once. I am sure almost every message that ever had the fortune to drop in my inbox passed from in front of my eyes in those 10 seconds while 'deleting' kept flashing on my screen. But when it was done, I felt liberated and light. What else, I saw that the old messages met the same fate anyways when there had to be made space for new messages to hang on....
Similar to cleaning out your old wardrobe really, discarding the old favourites because u want to be up with the changing fashions, changing times. So we forget the old memories and emotions that we once sanctified to make space for the new revered ones!

Won't that be easier if we learnt to deal with life in the same way?

I also have another terrible habit to speak of……… reading Chat history……, good way to re-live good times but terrible terrible facility when the should-be-forgotten conversations don't get shown the 'trash' way. Guess I got to liberate myself once there too, let's see when I find that courage!

All in all, I was definitely relieved to know that I wasn't the only one who goes through silly troubles like these, and perhaps we all have this tendency of clinging to little things that make or once made our lives worth living.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Soul Curry

I am not a poetic person, but i'm starting my blog with my favourite poem. Its one of the few that have ever truly touched my heart.


After a while you realise the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you understand that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts and presents arent promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
After a while you understand that even sunshine burns if you get too much!
So nourish you own soul and cultivate your own garden instead of waiting for someone to get you flowers,
And you realise that you really can endure....
that you really are strong....
And you really do have worth!

Veronica A Shoffstall
(adopted from Chicken soup for the Teenage Soul)